Like a stranger!

- WE ARE NO LONGER FRIEND.. NOTHING MORE THAN STRANGER-

26 years is going to end soon...

Another year is going to end soon... another 2 months plus to go... before we say Goodbye to 2010... i am actually pretty scare to welcome the new year... hahaha... meaning i am getting a year older!!! Damn... 27 years old already... and what i have done for my past 26 years.... let me think.. let me think... tick tock tick tock... ermm... ermm... quite something lar... not a very big achievement, but at least got a lil lar... i think the biggest achievement i had so far is able to stick to my current job for almost 10 months... with all those heavy travelling... huge expenses... super stress.... long working hours... wow... that is something i never thought i would be one day... but i am glad where i am now.... i have exposed myself to a real corporate world.. where each words, action and decision taken carried certain consequences.. pretty scary huh... i think so ler...which makes me always hold back my feeling.. my words... my action... hmmm.... i had my first appraisal today with my boss and AM...well... everything went pretty well... now i know that my boss actually judge me differently from the rest! cause i am 26 years old? and i have years of working experiences... hahahha... which is true... so i think i need to behave myself from now on... eyes are watching us all the time! :) And i will get to lead my first project nexy year.. The Fashion Week in MVM...! I am pretty excited about this actually... my first time leading a project... and it's Fashion!! Hurray... well, i am kinda prepare myself for the worst... i had seen the worst happened to my colleague this year... hahahaa.... So i guess i will have to postpone my plan to change my life direction again... :D

26 years to 27 years of living... hmmm.... say old not very old... say young not young anymore.... belong to the early adulthood lar... ishh.. dun like the word 'adult'... making me sounds so old now... hehe... as i grow older.. eh.. no.. no..mature... more and more people around me are starting their family..getting married sial... which kinda make me a lil worry... lol... what if i am the only one left single forever???!!! Cham lor.... ku ku tan tan one person... so sad!! Cannot be lar this way... hahahaha... must cari rumah tumpang ady if still boh lang want me by 30... so shireen... u have another 3 years to look for one... LOL...

oh ya.. last but not least.. shireen is suck at socializing! Hpmmmm.... never like socializing lor.... :(

World Cup 2010

I know Spain will win today!!!! Torres will never disappoint me today! :D

I forgot about my blog!

After leaving my blog for almost half a year, i just realised that I have a blog! Been too busy with work, work and work. My life is all about my work now. Working in a mall is not that easy, especially in the marketing team. Everything is about connection, efficiency, effectiveness, creativity and time-consuming. Everything looks very glamourous from the outside, but only us know all the shits that happened in the process. But of course at the end of the event, what we get in return is the self-satisfaction. I am not very sure if this job suits me well, but all i know is i have to stay on and see what this job can offer to me.

After delaying my Toastmasters speech for half year, finally I decided to take the next step and do my seventh speech tomorrow evening. The title of me speech is "Pls Kill Me". It's a sharing on Euthanasia and I am supporting it. i do not see why we can't choose when we want to die and how we want to die, if we were suffering from terminal illness. Rather than seeing myself suffering and going thru the agony everyday, why not I end it and go peacefully? If one day, *touch wood* I have to go thru all the pain and suffering, I rather kill myself and leave this world peacefully. Cause I know that i will never be able to go through all that. Either the pain will kill me, or I kill it before they attack me... hehehe...Like a war!

I actually like one of the quotations that the patient used to describe his feeling.. " Every journey has it's departure time and only the traveller know when to get out from it. The journey of no return is the best path that reason can show out of love and respect for life, so that life can have a dignified death!"

I really liked it! :D

Towards the end of 2009...

Towards the end of 2009, there are many feelings inside of me. There are feeling of joy...sad...fear...loneliness..insecure..unsure. All these mixed emotions and feelings are making me feeling weird. Year 2009 is really not a good year for me. I had encountered so many problems and problems just can't get enough of me. They kept coming to me again and again. I had struggled and asking for strength for me to continue fighting. Now that these problems seem to go away slowly.. I am somehow feeling lil relieved. In few days later, I will starting my new job in a new place. Year od 2010 is a really a new year for me. A new year that I am hoping for new hope, love, commitment and life. I am hoping that I can leave all those bad and sad things behind and move forward. I believe that the coming year will be a greater one.

However, deep inside me, I have this feeling of fear.. afraid and insecure about things that are coming to me. What if the new job doesn't suits me? What if I can't get a long with my new colleagues? What if I fail to impress my new boss? What if they think that I am not capable to do my new job? What if I cannot make through this time? I am starting a new base in a new place. Everything will be new and strange to me. Probably that is why I am fear... scare.. afraid and feeling insecure.

I really want to escape myself from all these. I want an easy way out for all these. But how long can I escape? How many easy way out is there for me? No matter what, I need to go through all these nonsense. I have been telling myself that this is just another new beginning for me. God will give me the strength, courage and faith to deal with all these...to face my future with hope and own my brighter future. As long as I take out my sincerity, honesty, effort, understanding, humble and sharing attitude, I can make all things right. *crossing my finger*

Can I really survive this time? :)

My 6th speech - Vocal Variety

Finally, I had completed my sixth speech in Toastmasters. The title of my speech is "That is how we speak". Basically my speech is telling us how important is vocal variety in communication, and how do we achieve that. Well, I think it was a so-so speech. I wasn't really prepared for it. But I managed to pull it over and got it done. My evaluator said I had achieved the objectives of the speech project. People said it was good. But I think it was not that overwhelming. I should have present my speech in a different concept. A concept that are more personal to me and at least I should make people laugh. But I did not do so. But I am glad that it was all over now.

One thing great about tonight is this is the first time our HICT Toastmasters Club organized a meeting during a dinner. Our meeting was held in Loke Fook Moon restaurant in Meru Klang. With the delicious food and great companies, indeed this is one of the good night to remember! I really appreciate the exco committee for their hard work to make tonight a success one. Good job guys! Bravo!

Month of December!

Ho ho ho... after so long... finally i have the time to update my blog. Month of December is an exciting month for me! So many things happened this month... I quit my job... ended that I have to use this tactics of disappearing from work. Why? Cause my company's HR said I need to serve three months. The funny thing is I do not even know that! I really do not know what is wrong with this Hr.. anyway, to save me from all those unnecessary problem, I think the best resort is to leave the company after serving one month notice. Actually I am quite worry if they will issue me a legal letter, but after few discussion with experienced people, I am on the winning side! Phewww.... lucky me.

Then there is this Taiwan's trip that I had. This trip took about 11 days and I went with Diana and Wee Han. Well, this is the first time we went holiday together. Of course there will be things that cannot meet each others needs and requirements. But we managed to pull it through. I really had so much fun during this trip. But it also created a big hole in my pocket! Hmmm... We went to so many places... and ate so many kinds of foods. The best thing is the HOTSPRING! I really enjoyed myself there. I bet all of us had fun inside the tub. Posing and videoing all kinds of movement and postures. Hahahaha... u know i am talking about u! We took lot lot of pictures.. cause u know.. Wee Han is there.. what can u expect more right? :)
I got myself a lot of bags during this trip.. really a lot. Things are quite cheap there.. well, it depends on which places. Places like Shihlin night market and Danshui are quite nice places to do shopping. I also got lot of Christmas gifts for my family and friends. I also got a Christmas gift from someone special! Hehehe... The 11 days really passed so fast. But tell u one thing... NEVER TAKE AIR ASIA if your flight is more than 3 hours! The five hours journey to and from Taiwan was horrible and freaked me out. No more Air Asia for me if I were to go Taiwan again. One time is enough.. really enough.

AS for now, I am enjoying myself at home doing all the things that I have to finish before the year end. I am taking time to do things and to spend time with my mum at home. I realized that if we were to take time to see things around us... there are really many things we can actually see. If we are able to take our life in a slower pace, we can actually see more things! :D

ANGRY!

I am very angry!!!
I am very angry!!!!
I am very angry!!!!!
Only God knows how angry I am!

What I can do to let go this anger?
What should I do... this anger is eating me up...

I dun like it. I dun like it. I really dun like it.

Shell without soul

There is a point in life where you realised that life is meaningless. You do not know what is the right thing to do or you should do. Probably when your life is too routine.. no more excitement... no more motivation.. no more direction.. you just feel meaningless in living anymore. Not that I am going to commit suicide or what.. but just feeling like living in a shell without a soul. Where the shell brings me, there I go. What the shell wants me to do, I just do it. To be honest, at times I feel or see nothing in my future. It's totally blank and empty. When you can't see what is waiting for you in the future, you tend to have a fear. Fear of failure.. fear of making a wrong decision.. fear of turning back ...fear of losing everything you have and will have. Sometimes feeling and guts will make us make some irrational decision. Knowing that it is irrational, but we still choose to do it. Because I prefer to trust my feeling and guts than rationality. I want to do things that my feeling and guts tell me. I do not want to have regret later for not trusting my feeling and guts. Even if one day, my decision is wrong.. at least I have tried and feeling no regret.

It's not that I do not want what I want in life.. but sometimes things around us tend to make us doubt if that is what we want in life. Can I achieve all the things and plans I have for myself? What if I don't? Am I going to lose everything I have now? Being 25 years old this year and I still have no achievement at all, I feel useless. Looking at my friends... some of them have achieved what they want... some of them have proceed to another stage of life... some of them have started their family... some of them have moved to the top... and here am I... achieve nothing yet. Sometimes it makes me think ...am I too demanding in life? Am I too stubborn in life? Am I looking too high on myself? Am I being too perfectionist in life? Perhaps I should really sit down and think about my capabilities.. Perhaps I should be less demanding... Perhaps I should learn to accept people's suggestion... Perhaps I should put down all my greedy demand and live a simpler life... Perhaps living a simpler life and demand less would be easier and happier... Perhaps I should put down my urge for perfect lifestyle and settle down... Perhaps I should learn to accept than just giving... Perhaps... perhaps... perhaps... But if I put all these perhaps into action, will I be happier?

You, me ... us... they... we are just part of the play

Have u ever imagine that you, me, they , we.. we are just part of a play? A play that has been directed God and we are the actors and actress? Sitting in a room filled with people, all and each of us have our own story to share. Each individual that lives in this world has a story to portray. A character to play and a script to follow. Just like what we see in television, we are the actors and actress. The only thing difference is we do not get the chance to see the script beforehand. It just happens spontaneously. I was watching this movie in astro today, a chinese movie called the cocktail. This movie talked about how people behaviour, how people express their feeling.. what each of them has gone through and how it affect their life. And all these happens in a pub. The pub is like a place.. a shelter for people to get away from all that.

Relate that movie to my surrounding, I think this movie is quite true. Looking at the people I know around me, each of us have our own story..our character to play. And each of us do not only plays one character, but many characters at a time. For myself, I have play the characters as a daughter to my parents, a sister to my siblings, friend to my friends, employee to my employer, a coordinator to my students...and so many more to explore. At times, we just get tired of playing so many roles. Wish to give up and leave everything behind... but we know we just can't. This is what life is all about. Like what I said, our life is a play which is directed by God. He choose us to play that particular roles and He has the power to make us do things that He wants it to be. He can direct us to play the evil roles... the good role.. and He decides when our roles should come to an end too. If only I can gather everyone in a room and share their life story... I bet the day will never ends.

I look at the friends around me and each of them tells me a different story. I have one friend that tells me how his life is being controlled by his parents, how much he suffered due to loneliness, how much he loves freedom in life... I have another friend who tells me that how stupid of him in his relationship. How he got fooled by the girl he loves, and ended up being dumped by her. And another friend who tells me that he is confused over his sexuality. And friends who tell me lot of their own story... And looking at my own story, I also have lot of story to share. Story of how I screwed up my life.. story about how failure is my previous relationship... story about how lucky am I to be where I am today... story about my confusion over what I want in life... Sometimes I just wish life can be simpler. Too much complication and too many roles to play at one time is very tiring and confusing sometimes.

- I just want to live a simpler way of life-